It’s funny how you can be in completely different situations, yet have the same conversation with God.  It’s a great reminder that we are never too far or too close to God to be humbled before Him.  About a year ago I was praying the exact same thing.

My recent prayer wasn’t because things in my life were bad, in fact they are really good.  I am engaged and I absolutely love going to work everyday and I’m leading an incredible group of about 130 people called Stretch.  My life is amazing.

My prayer came because the next season of my career was happening and I was about to embark on a completely new journey.  My life was too good to suddenly change.

But I decided a while back that what I wanted for me wasn’t going to cut it.  My life story only has one author on the cover and it’s not Wes Howard.

So I found myself in the middle of my room crying my eyes out once again and telling God that I was scared.  The next morning I went running to clear my head.  I wanted to spend some time talking with God to sort it all out and at about mile 4 I was gently reminded that it was OK to be scared.

As of today, (August 26th) I have accepted the position of Middle School pastor at LifePoint Church in Smyrna, TN.  I’m excited for this next step in my ministry.  I’m excited to be able to pour into these kids lives and teach them Biblical truths that have become evident in my life. I’m excited that the love of my life gets to stay in the church that changed her life. I’m pumped to get started.

But I am also sad.  Cross Point gave me a chance when no one else would.  Pete Wilson saw something in me and mentored me for a year.  I have never been around more genuine, passionate people who live out what they preach.  I learned so much by just watching the way they love their families, strangers and most importantly, God.  I am leaving a family.

You know what’s cool about kingdom of God though?  We are all family and there’s another family in Smyrna ready to welcome me in.

So that’s my big news.  New job, new church, getting married and buying a house all within 1 month of each other.  Throw one up for me!

Recently I read a story about Maurice Clarett attempting a comeback into professional football.  If you aren’t familiar with Maurice, here is a refresher:

Clarett, a former Mr. Football in Ohio, started for the Buckeyes as a freshman and quickly asserted himself as one of the premier running backs in the country. He rushed for 1,237 yards in 2002, helping Ohio State to its first national championship in 34 years.

But he was ruled ineligible the following year for taking special benefits worth thousands of dollars. He sued to enter the NFL draft early, before he was out of high school for three years, but lost in court.

After he was eventually drafted by the Broncos, he was cut before the season started. Then, in September 2006, he pleaded guilty to having a hidden gun in his sport utility vehicle and holding up two people outside a bar.

Maurice did his time in prison and then did 4 1/2 months in a transition house.  Now he wants a shot at his passion again.  He wants to play football.  He’s stayed in shape and if he can prove he has his head on straight, there is a team in the United Football League that wants to give him a tryout.

I hope he makes it.  I even hope he makes it back to the NFL and is successful.  Call me crazy, but I love the underdog.  He paid the price for his mistakes and deserves another shot.

Why is it so easy for us to cheer for sports underdogs, but not ministry underdogs?

A close friend and mentor of mine, Justin Davis, was exactly that. He was a successful pastor in a church he started and then had an affair.

Let me guess.  Your heart didn’t flutter with excitement at the thought of him pastoring again did it?  Justin’s comeback journey was painful and his marriage went through the most intense refinement possible… and it worked.

The underdog, who most weren’t cheering for, is now a campus pastor and on the teaching team at Cross Point Community Church.  The journey isn’t over though.  He wants others to learn from his experience and has started Refine Our Marriage.

I know most of my readers aren’t in that season of life, but one day you will be.  We can still take away a lot from their story.  I know that I have.  The main thing that keeps sticking out to me is this:  I have 54 days before I will be married and I am 100% sure that Justin loved Trisha just as much as I love Amy 54 days before their wedding.

I am not above anything.  This isn’t a “this can’t happen to me” scenario.  I am so thankful for the wisdom that their story has spoken into my life and you will be too.

I hear a lot of people talking about “God’s will.”  It’s a church buzzword that sold millions of books.  It’s also a terrifying thought to Christians for them to not be inside God’s will.  I remember pleading with God to reveal his will to me last year.  It was a scary thing and that’s when it becomes a problem.

“Show me your will for my life! Please. I’m ready. Show me.”

That’s not a bad prayer, but what happens after you say amen?  Is there action?  Or are you paralyzed with fear to make a decisions because of not knowing 100% if it’s God’s will?

The decision I was faced with was scary.  It could have become terrifying, but guess what?  I knew that the choices were both God’s will.  There wasn’t a wrong choice for me to make.  I just needed to make one.

The reason?  I gave up authorship of my life a while back.  God’s will for my life is to enter into a relationship with him through his Son’s sacrifice and then spend my life connecting to God through the passions that were placed in me by loving others. (DISCLAIMER – For the theologically advanced – I am not saying this is the only thing needed in spiritual maturity.)

• Have a passion for food?  Savor every bite with the company of friends or even strangers.  Allow that passion to convey love to others.
• Passionate about tech support?  Well then you are a nerd, but offer that support in a way that leaves people as excited about life as you are about a new pocket protector.

Once this happens, then the decision making isn’t paralyzing because you already know God’s will for your life.  You can ask yourself which choice lines up better with your talents, passions and abilities?

Decisions aren’t always easy, but they always require action.  Being paralyzed with fear leads to non-action.  Having confidence in and living out God’s will for my life has set me free of the fear of a decision “not being in God’s will.”  It has lead to a more joyful life for myself and those around me.

One last little disclaimer – This does not mean that every decision leads to success, more money and fame.  This just means that I can face each situation knowing that the outcome will never result in God loving me any less.  (Which will never happen, but you would be surprised at what fear can do to a person.)

“I don’t want to mess up our friendship with a relationship.”

“I see you more of just as a friend.”

I have heard every one of those lines during my time on earth.  More than once.  Pretty sure more than twice as well.  I wish I would have known then what I know now.  And that is that guys and girls just can’t be friends.

Let me throw a disclaimer out there first though.  This is just my opinion and as we experienced during Week 2 of our series, Diagnosis: Single, a lot of people have a different one.

I want to be clear.  I am talking about guys and girls having a close one-on-one friendship.  Someone you share secrets with, go to the movies with, call up on a rainy day, first person you share news with, also known as-this person is my best friend type of relationship.  I submit to you readers that that type of relationship is nearly impossible.  Not only is it nearly impossible, it’s unhealthy.

If you have ever heard one of those 3 lines that opened up this entry, you should have responded with this: “I understand, but since I have feelings for you this has already gone past the “friends” level and unfortunately we won’t be able to be close anymore.  You see, I think you are awesome, pretty, fun and I would like to pursue a relationship with you.  But if you aren’t ready or willing to do that, then I can’t spend time and energy investing in you.  It won’t be healthy for me and it will be unfair to the next person I pursue.”  (OK, if you actually said that then you would be branded a weirdo, but you get where I am going.)

You see having a best friend of the opposite sex is the same thing as dating.  You spend time and money on each other.  You invest in each other deeply.  When that happens one of you is bound to develop feelings for the other.  And if by some small chance that doesn’t happen, then one day one of you will become interested in someone else and suddenly your friendship isn’t the same anymore.  You get dumped without actually getting dumped.

Now, let’s go back to something I said in the very beginning.  When I said this type of relationship was impossible I included a word right before it – nearly.  I say that because in our small group we had several people who have lifelong best friend relationship with the opposite sex and they both claim that it was healthy.  So, I won’t try and diagnosis what’s going on there.  I will just assume that it is possible.

So in the immortal words of the brilliant Lloyd Christmas, “Sooooo you’re saying there’s a chance?”

Not likely is my answer.

I realize that only one view was given here, so now’s your chance to express yours.  Give me your thoughts on this.

Can guys and girls just be friends?

EXTRA BONUS MATERIAL! Here’s a video that sums up my argument pretty well and it’s funny.  Enjoy

With those words we kicked off our “Diagnosis: Single” series in our mid-size group.  We armed ourselves with the results from a survey that we asked over a 100 people and we dove in headfirst.

Week 1 was about “frustration” and the pursuit of “not being single.”  It’s easy to get caught up in the pursuit when your focus isn’t on God.

When you focus on your frustration of being single, you will be more tempted to compromise.

You tell yourself that it’s OK if he isn’t involved in church and not actively seeking a relationship with God.  I can change him. Oh, who cares that every time I pray about this potential relationship I have absolutely no peace.  That will come in time.  Here’s one that guys do a lot: God can wait.  This chick is hot.

About 2 years ago I met someone.  She was attractive and we hit it off right away, which was easy as we worked together.  (Let me just go ahead and let you know that this is a HORRIBLE idea)

All day long we would message each other and there was chemistry immediately.  There was one small problem.  She had a boyfriend.  Over the next few months the attraction that we built turned into an addiction and the next thing I knew, I was doing things that I never thought were imaginable for me to do.

Let me give you a small sample of what I went through in this “relationship” with this girl.  I found out that her relationship hadn’t ended with her boyfriend, when he attacked me in my sleep one night.  Punched me in the face about 15 times.

You would think that would have been enough to end it all for everyone.  It wasn’t.  She didn’t break it off with him after that, but she didn’t break it off with me either.

It eventually turned into him kicking in the door in while we were hanging out, calling me at work begging me to stop talking to her, showing up at random times at her house and sitting in the parking lot watching her place.

For me it was constant paranoia that she would be with him again.  That he would call and everything would go back to “I don’t know what I should do” mode again.  I found myself also driving by her house to see if he was there.  Psychotic things.

It turned into a mess of lies, and extreme emotions.  We would have plans and they would be blown off when she didn’t answer her phone all night because her “ex-boyfriend” came into town.

It was a vicious cycle and it was toxic and miserable.  I was caught up and couldn’t quit.  All 3 of us did psychotic things.  Things I would have NEVER done if I wasn’t addicted to the pursuit of a relationship with her.

Before I met her, I was focused on the frustration of being single.  I was sick of it.  She represented an escape from that and I compromised everything to try and get it.  That’s how easy it is.

That’s how destructive an idol can be.  There wasn’t anything about her or about me that would make someone act the way we all did.

God has to be desperately sought at all times or you will focus on your frustration.

It’s an everyday decision.  The season of singleness is a time to allow God to prepare and refine your character and relationship with Him, not a time of constant frustration.

______________________________________________________________________

Here are some of the survey results that we talked about during Week 1.

Top 3 relationship deal breakers
1. Faith/Nonbeliever/Walk with God
2. Smoking
3. Dishonesty/cheating

What do you wish girls were more honest about (guys)
1. Expectations/Wants/Needs
2. Feelings/Thoughts
3. Everything

What do you wish guys were more honest about (girls)
1. Intentions (tied)
1. Feelings/Thoughts (tied)
3. Expectations/Wants/Needs

What keeps you from asking a girl out? (guys)
1. Fear of rejection
2. No time to date
3. Shy

What keeps guys from asking you out (girls)
1. Good question
2. Physical attraction
3. Don’t think I am interested

Dear Wes,

I wanted to write you this letter to remind you of some things.  I don’t know where you are in life or what challenges and surprises have come your way, but I do know how you got there.  You got there because of this experience.  First, I want you to do something for me.  If you are married, go tell your wife how much you love her.  Go right now.  If you have kids, go kiss each one of them.  Go right now.

Remember that all this started because of that day in the cabin.  You told God that you would go wherever he would lead and you meant it.  He did as well.  That day began the deepest valley you have ever experienced and has brought me to write you this letter right now.

Remember what you learned.

You learned how to manage money God’s way.  That most of what you thought were your needs, were really just your “wants.”  You learned about giving and just how important it is.

You learned patience.  There were several times when you went after an open door and made your plans for your future only to have God close that door and keep you waiting.

You learned what love looked like.  Never once did your parents say, “Wes, I am disappointed in you. How did you let this happen?”  They instead said, “Wes, God is with you.  And so are we.” You remember that your mom sacrificed her day several times and drove to Nashville to bring you homemade food and a kiss of encouragement.  Go call her right now and tell her you love her.

You learned what loving others meant.  You fell in love with the kids at the homeless shelter.  You were inspired and heartbroken as you watched a 16 year old wake up every morning at 4:30 to catch the city bus at 5:20 in order to get to school on time.  Remember what they taught you.  Remember how you saw God’s image in each other faces.

You learned to be humble.  Accepting someone’s monetary gift or their offer to buy dinner or coffee didn’t make you weak.  It showed just how blessed you are.  It’s just as important to be able to accept the blessing than it is to give the blessing.  Those blessings will be returned.

Most importantly, you spent time alone with God.  Remember running during the day where you experienced God’s glory through nature and conversation.  Remember what you read.  Remember accepting God’s invitation to be still.  Remember the earnest and heartfelt prayers you lifted up every day.  Remember to be fearless.

Love,
Wes

I believe that was the most important time of my life.  It prepared me and molded me for what was next.  If you have found yourself in the same place, I urge you to hold on dearly to this time of your life and never forget the lessons that are being taught and find a way to never forget.

I hope I randomly find that letter every year from here on out.  I need that reminder.

That’s how I would sum up my trip to the Dominican Republic.  If you aren’t aware, I led a team from Cross Point Community Church last week to finish up work on a church that was 4 years in the making.

We worked hard and we played hard, but what I will remember most are the sights.  What I saw will be etched into my mind forever.

• I saw the Miami airport… a lot.
• I saw many piles of dirt and many buckets of paint.
• I saw God change a group of strangers into a community.
• I saw Haitians praising God with the most passionate worship I have ever witnessed.
• I saw Dominicans worshiping using elaborate motions as well as their voice and it was beautiful.
• I saw houses that the homeless here wouldn’t step foot in.
• I saw hope inside a landfill.

That’s right, a landfill.  There is a place in the DR called “The Hole.”  It’s where the trash is dumped and because you don’t have to pay taxes on the land, the poor went there to live.  Today, it is still a landfill, but there is literally hundreds of makeshift homes in and around it.

Drugs and prostitution are king in the hole, but tucked away inside of it is hope.  A feeding center and a church.  A mustard seed of faith was planted in the hole when a man named Felix decided to love.  He walked into the hole and started loving everyone there.  He even loved on the drug lord that runs the hole.  Instead of having him killed, the drug lord realized the good he was doing and has allowed him to stay and even open up a church.

We got a chance to visit the hole.  As soon as we pulled up we heard running and voices shouting, “Americanos! Americanos!”  Immediately we were bombarded by kids wanting to be held and hugged.  It was overwhelming.  We walked into the feeding center and watched as the kids sat down at their tables and recited a prayer with Felix.  Hearing little voices praying is both incredible and beautiful.  A surreal moment. We handed out food to them and they ate.  We left the hole and they chased our bus.

Life has gone on for all of us, but I can’t forget “the hole.”  I can’t, because I have seen.  I have no excuse.  Christ died for “the hole” and therefore I must take action.

GO Ministries is a way that we can all take action.  You can take a trip yourself, support a child, partner with a local pastor, or just give to the ministry itself.  Progress has been made and there is a lot of hope in the DR thanks to GO.  We cannot let this opportunity fade away.  We can’t forget.

Someone asked me Sunday night how they could specifically pray for me.  I responded with, “Pray that my life is ruined.  Pray that all my preconceived notions about this world are destroyed and that I will never be the same again.” I pray that for every person on this trip.  Every person came on this trip for different reasons.

On this trip we have a father and his two grown sons who recently lost their mother going together to serve Christ.  I can’t begin to imagine how much healing this trip could bring for them.

Also traveling with us are youth who are about to embark on the next chapter of their life.  This trip could be the springboard to Godly decisions during that season.

Some stories are too fresh and I hope one day we can celebrate the outcome that this trip might help bring, but the bottom line is that the people in the Dominican Republic aren’t the only ones who need healing. We all do.

Pray for us this week.  Pray for the people of the Dominican Republic and the people on our team.  There’s more at stake this week than meets the eye.

Talk to you guys July 20th!!

“Well, one of my best friends, Kate, is an amazing photographer and I’ve always wanted to use her,” she snapped back.

Uh oh. After looking at both of their websites, we were still in a gridlock. We were “over-blessed.” In the end, I deferred to my beautiful bride to be (lesson I have quickly learned) and let her make the decision. We would use my close friend for the wedding and her friend Kate for the engagement pictures since she wanted Kate to be in the wedding.

Problem solved and one early morning in June we met up with Kate to take our engagement pictures. We started at Safe Haven, the family homeless shelter where me and Amy met, and then moved onto downtown to take “artsy fartsy pics.” It didn’t feel like a photo shoot. It was me and Amy just hanging out, talking and occasionally doing what Kate asked us to.

I have to admit that I didn’t think our pictures would be the best. I am just not the most photogenic person in the world and am highly critical of any picture that I see myself in.

The results blew me away. Kate Whitmore is just plain talented. She has a gift and the world is so lucky that she pursued this passion. Check out her blog and portfolio HERE.  Although she does live in Atlanta, she comes to Nashville for work quite a bit and is is the definition of amazing when it comes to photography.

Thanks Kate!  You are a HUGE blessing and an even better friend to our life.

An empty room.  That’s all that is left in the place that I called home for the past 2 1/2 years.  Yeah, I know that’s not an extremely long time, but it is long enough to be sentimental!

For example, that’s the house my “marked change” happened.  It’s also the place where I first told my fiance that I loved her and if you want to be sick even more, our first kiss.  So I have a right to look at the empty rooms of that house and want to hold on to it a little longer.

In “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years,” Donald Miller talks about making memories memorable.  When change comes in life, that’s what we need to hold on to.  The memories.  Sometimes we try to hold on to the “stuff” or “the relationship”  when that sentimental feeling comes along.

The next chapter of my life is about to start and it didn’t include that house.  That time is over.  A friend recently told me, “If you have more memories than plans, you have stopped living.”  I like it.  That means at the end of my life I should have a ton of memories to reflect back on and no plans to stress about.

Make your memories memorable, but also keep looking forward.  The next chapter of your life depends on it.