It’s funny how you can be in completely different situations, yet have the same conversation with God.  It’s a great reminder that we are never too far or too close to God to be humbled before Him.  About a year ago I was praying the exact same thing.

My recent prayer wasn’t because things in my life were bad, in fact they are really good.  I am engaged and I absolutely love going to work everyday and I’m leading an incredible group of about 130 people called Stretch.  My life is amazing.

My prayer came because the next season of my career was happening and I was about to embark on a completely new journey.  My life was too good to suddenly change.

But I decided a while back that what I wanted for me wasn’t going to cut it.  My life story only has one author on the cover and it’s not Wes Howard.

So I found myself in the middle of my room crying my eyes out once again and telling God that I was scared.  The next morning I went running to clear my head.  I wanted to spend some time talking with God to sort it all out and at about mile 4 I was gently reminded that it was OK to be scared.

As of today, (August 26th) I have accepted the position of Middle School pastor at LifePoint Church in Smyrna, TN.  I’m excited for this next step in my ministry.  I’m excited to be able to pour into these kids lives and teach them Biblical truths that have become evident in my life. I’m excited that the love of my life gets to stay in the church that changed her life. I’m pumped to get started.

But I am also sad.  Cross Point gave me a chance when no one else would.  Pete Wilson saw something in me and mentored me for a year.  I have never been around more genuine, passionate people who live out what they preach.  I learned so much by just watching the way they love their families, strangers and most importantly, God.  I am leaving a family.

You know what’s cool about kingdom of God though?  We are all family and there’s another family in Smyrna ready to welcome me in.

So that’s my big news.  New job, new church, getting married and buying a house all within 1 month of each other.  Throw one up for me!

Dear Wes,

I wanted to write you this letter to remind you of some things.  I don’t know where you are in life or what challenges and surprises have come your way, but I do know how you got there.  You got there because of this experience.  First, I want you to do something for me.  If you are married, go tell your wife how much you love her.  Go right now.  If you have kids, go kiss each one of them.  Go right now.

Remember that all this started because of that day in the cabin.  You told God that you would go wherever he would lead and you meant it.  He did as well.  That day began the deepest valley you have ever experienced and has brought me to write you this letter right now.

Remember what you learned.

You learned how to manage money God’s way.  That most of what you thought were your needs, were really just your “wants.”  You learned about giving and just how important it is.

You learned patience.  There were several times when you went after an open door and made your plans for your future only to have God close that door and keep you waiting.

You learned what love looked like.  Never once did your parents say, “Wes, I am disappointed in you. How did you let this happen?”  They instead said, “Wes, God is with you.  And so are we.” You remember that your mom sacrificed her day several times and drove to Nashville to bring you homemade food and a kiss of encouragement.  Go call her right now and tell her you love her.

You learned what loving others meant.  You fell in love with the kids at the homeless shelter.  You were inspired and heartbroken as you watched a 16 year old wake up every morning at 4:30 to catch the city bus at 5:20 in order to get to school on time.  Remember what they taught you.  Remember how you saw God’s image in each other faces.

You learned to be humble.  Accepting someone’s monetary gift or their offer to buy dinner or coffee didn’t make you weak.  It showed just how blessed you are.  It’s just as important to be able to accept the blessing than it is to give the blessing.  Those blessings will be returned.

Most importantly, you spent time alone with God.  Remember running during the day where you experienced God’s glory through nature and conversation.  Remember what you read.  Remember accepting God’s invitation to be still.  Remember the earnest and heartfelt prayers you lifted up every day.  Remember to be fearless.

Love,
Wes

I believe that was the most important time of my life.  It prepared me and molded me for what was next.  If you have found yourself in the same place, I urge you to hold on dearly to this time of your life and never forget the lessons that are being taught and find a way to never forget.

I hope I randomly find that letter every year from here on out.  I need that reminder.

“Well, one of my best friends, Kate, is an amazing photographer and I’ve always wanted to use her,” she snapped back.

Uh oh. After looking at both of their websites, we were still in a gridlock. We were “over-blessed.” In the end, I deferred to my beautiful bride to be (lesson I have quickly learned) and let her make the decision. We would use my close friend for the wedding and her friend Kate for the engagement pictures since she wanted Kate to be in the wedding.

Problem solved and one early morning in June we met up with Kate to take our engagement pictures. We started at Safe Haven, the family homeless shelter where me and Amy met, and then moved onto downtown to take “artsy fartsy pics.” It didn’t feel like a photo shoot. It was me and Amy just hanging out, talking and occasionally doing what Kate asked us to.

I have to admit that I didn’t think our pictures would be the best. I am just not the most photogenic person in the world and am highly critical of any picture that I see myself in.

The results blew me away. Kate Whitmore is just plain talented. She has a gift and the world is so lucky that she pursued this passion. Check out her blog and portfolio HERE.  Although she does live in Atlanta, she comes to Nashville for work quite a bit and is is the definition of amazing when it comes to photography.

Thanks Kate!  You are a HUGE blessing and an even better friend to our life.

An empty room.  That’s all that is left in the place that I called home for the past 2 1/2 years.  Yeah, I know that’s not an extremely long time, but it is long enough to be sentimental!

For example, that’s the house my “marked change” happened.  It’s also the place where I first told my fiance that I loved her and if you want to be sick even more, our first kiss.  So I have a right to look at the empty rooms of that house and want to hold on to it a little longer.

In “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years,” Donald Miller talks about making memories memorable.  When change comes in life, that’s what we need to hold on to.  The memories.  Sometimes we try to hold on to the “stuff” or “the relationship”  when that sentimental feeling comes along.

The next chapter of my life is about to start and it didn’t include that house.  That time is over.  A friend recently told me, “If you have more memories than plans, you have stopped living.”  I like it.  That means at the end of my life I should have a ton of memories to reflect back on and no plans to stress about.

Make your memories memorable, but also keep looking forward.  The next chapter of your life depends on it.

I got a call from Jenni Catron at Cross Point. She had a wild idea for an experiment. The experiment has now become permanent as I learn ministry firsthand by assisting Pete Wilson on a day to day basis. I’m learning something new everyday and am amazed at the journey God has taken me on. I am so thankful for where God has me and where he is going to take me.

My journey came full circle for me the other day as I was reading Francis Chan’s new book Forgotten God. In it he tells this story:

I recently had dinner in Seoul, Korea, with an amazing man. He was one of the twenty-three missionaries who were held hostage by the Taliban in Afghanistan in July 2007. For those who don’t recall the story, the Taliban executed two of the missionaries before a deal was reached with the government of South Korea and the missionaries were released.

This man told me about the horrors of being locked up in a cell, knowing that martyrdom was a strong possibility. He also shared about the amazing time they had on the last day they were all imprisoned together. Each of the twenty-three missionaries surrendered their lives to God that night and told Him they were willing to die for His glory. There was even an argument over who would get to die first. One of them had a small Bible that the missionaries secretly ripped into twenty-three pieces so each could glance at Scripture when no one was watching.

One of the most fascinating things this man told me was about what has happened since. Now that they have been back in Seoul for a while, several team members have asked him, “Don’t you wish we were still there?” He tells me that several of them experienced a deep kind of intimacy with God in the prison cell that they haven’t been able to recapture in their comfort.

The words “Don’t you wish we were still there?” resonated with me. My journey was painful, scary and control-less, but I miss it. I experienced an intimacy with God that I never had before and I find myself thinking back on it and missing that time in my life. When I had no certainty, no illusion of control, no idea of what was next…when I had nothing…I had God. And that was enough.

If you are going through a rough time or you are scared to death of what’s next, let me encourage you to take time to enjoy it. Let God develop that intimacy with you that will draw you closer to him as he guides you down your journey.

I gotta be honest. I am jealous of you. I remember days waking up with tears coming down my face and getting on my knees and saying the most humbling words you can say, “I have nothing to offer…only my faith. Stretch me, guide me, love me, draw me closer to you today.” Then face the day and count it all joy.

One day you will look back and be amazed at the work God did in you during that time… and you will miss it.

My pursuit of a job in ministry had given me the opportunity to interview with several places and each time God taught me something different about rejection. That was all and good, but it was time to pay rent. A rent that I didn’t have.

The week before September 1st, everything seemed to happen at once:

- A roommate had decided to move out and we couldn’t find a replacement. If we couldn’t find someone, our rent would go up significantly until we did.
- I was up for a ministry job in Austin, TX. and I hadn’t heard yet on what the final decision was.
- I had felt a calling to start a community group at my church. Should I start a group not having a job or not knowing if I would even be in Nashville? How can I lead a group on a journey with Christ when I can’t even pay rent?
- I had run out of money.

I remember being scared to death and feeling like a complete failure. What will my life look like next week? I had to come to a very important realization that I want to make sure is conveyed:

I had to expect God to come through, but not necessarily in the way I wanted him to. I knew that God would come through, but I had to accept that it might be that I would be homeless. That if everything came crashing down it was going to be for His glory. That what I perceive to be success isn’t what God defines success by. That realization was tough and humbling, but it allowed me to be ready for God was about to do.

Sunday morning was the day all the new groups were going to be announced and we would meet people to sign them up for our groups. I had to be there at 8:00AM. I decided that night before that things were just too “up in the air” for me to lead a group. I turned off my alarm. I admitted that I wasn’t in control, but I was going to act like it and not be a group leader.

I woke up at 7:00AM on the dot the next morning. I was going to be a community group leader after all.

The next day a guy contacted us that had seen our ad for a new roommate. He needed a place to live before September and came by to visit the place. He loved it. We had a new roommate for September.

The job in Austin, TX called me the next day to let me know that although they really enjoyed getting to know me, they decided to go with someone local. I wasn’t moving.

On Wednesday night I went to my community group that I was in but didn’t lead. At the end, someone stood up and said that the group had sensed I was struggling financially and they had pooled some money together. They hoped it could help with rent – it was the EXACT amount of my rent.

September 1st came and went. The day that was looming was just another day. God had come through in His way, not mine. I wasn’t a failure, I was a son of the Living God who was teaching me and molding me into His image. My plans were not His plans, His plans became my plans.

A week later, I got a random phone call from Jenni Catron at Cross Point asking me if I would come in and talk. She had a wild idea for an experiment…

“Today’s going to be your last day.”  Two words I thought I would never hear.  I packed my desk in shock. I turned in my key and parking pass and got into my car and drove home. I remember walking in the door and the dogs came running up to me and I said, “You guys will still love me right?” As I sat on my bed still in shock, a realization came over me. “God, you really were serious weren’t you?”

The previous week I had taken off on an adventure. Grabbed my Bible and some books and rented a cabin in East Tennessee. I wanted my “God Experience” that I hear so many talk about. On the last day of my stay, I got honest with God about my life. I asked some tough questions, shed some tears and then was asked a question back. “Do you trust me Wes? Do you trust the path and plans I have for you? Are you really ready?” I decided right then and there that this was a serious question I was being asked. I remember sitting on the kitchen floor contemplating on what I should do. I could either say, “Yes, I am. I’m yours.” Or I could live my life for myself and stop all this confusion right then. I told God that I accept his plans. I was ready to go where he leads. I was confident. I was ready world! Bring it on! I left the cabin on Saturday. I lost my job Monday.

Donald Miller calls this an inciting event. Something that throws you into the next chapter of your life. I wish I could tell you that this inciting event became an exciting event. I woke up most days with tears in my eyes. How can a 27 year old who was producing and directing commercials fall so hard so fast? How did I become an unemployed 27 year old overnight? How did I fail? And what the heck was God up to? Really? This was your plan??

For the next 3 1/2 months I invested in myself and tried to discover my passions. I read books, had coffee with friends and prayed. And prayed. What was overwhelming was the response from co-workers, vendors and friends. I was told numerous times how much our friendship meant to them. That’s where I found my passion. Investing in people and building relationships. It’s what made me feel alive. It’s what I love to do.

I remember having coffee with Blake Bergstrom and telling him that as naively as this is going to sound, I just wanted to “love people.” He looked at me with one of his Bergstrom looks and said, “that’s my job!” I would like to think that at that moment one of my eyebrows raised and then a light bulb lit up above my head. That’s it!

I believe that was another inciting event for me. That moment threw me into the pursuit. I knew what job I wanted, I just didn’t know how to get it. What could I offer a ministry?

Here’s what I want to convey about my journey to this point. God’s plan wasn’t fun. It wasn’t pretty. It hurt. It was painful. At times it seemed lonely and ridiculous, but I had no other choice. I accepted this path and said that I trusted where he was going to lead me. My character means more to God than my comfort. I trusted God, but I was still under the illusion that his plan was bound to be what I had imagined in my head.

I quickly found out that his plans might just be a little different than mine. Much different…