So it’s been over a year since Twitter Commandments Part 1. I said in that post that there would be a part 2 and a year and some odd months later, here it is. Not sure why it took this long. Maybe we all have gotten better at Twitter and there wasn’t a need for 5 more commandments, but all good things must come to an end and so here we are with 5 more. If you need a review of what the first 5 Twitter Commandments are you can click HERE.
Let’s do this.
6. Thou shall not retweet a Happy Birthday tweet. I’ve been guilty of this one, but it’s time to put a stop to it. Can anything feel less satisfying than a retweet happy birthday? You are basically saying, “Oh it’s ____ birthday. I’m too lazy to say it myself so let me just hit this retweet button. Done.” You wouldn’t do it in person!
John: Happy Birthday Alex! Hope it’s a good one.
You: Alex, what John said.
7.Thou shall not fall for the spam DM. You aren’t in a funny blog post, picture or video. I know it would be nice, but you aren’t. If you want to lose weight, it won’t happen by clicking a link and it won’t make you rich either. Just isn’t going to happen. So let’s all agree to that and stop falling for it. If you do happen to click one of those links and it takes you to a Twitter sign in page, don’t sign in. It’s fake and then you will be adding to the problem. Also, if you do write a funny blog with me in it, don’t advertise it as “Hey, I wrote a funny blog about you!” You won’t get many clicks now.
8.Thou shall not tweet to tweet. I was a middle school pastor for a year, so I follow a lot of students…and they tweet a LOT. Here’s some examples:
“That’s completely homo.”
“to hot to tan.”
“Just woke up.”
“I look like a hoe right now.. haha”
“GIRL, yooo booty hungry. #pickthatwedgie”
And that was in the past 10 minutes. Seriously. I see tweets that say, “Only 124 more tweets until 2,000! I’m going to make it tonight!” Tweeting 124 more times in a week is WAY too much much less a night! I think the only thing that will change this behavior is time, but I’m throwing out this rule anyway.
9. Thou shall not tweet longer than 140 characters. Twitter has a limit. 140 characters. That’s all. And when you tweet longer than that people have to click a link to go see just how crazy it was when your dog jumped into the pool wearing a mini skirt and high heels. Ok, that tweet might be worth the click, but the majority are NOT! Simplify your message. Make it shorter. 140 characters isn’t a suggestion, it’s the law. Don’t break the law. If Justin Beiber can abide by the rules, so can you.
10. Thou shall not live tweet TV shows. There is no such thing as appointment TV anymore. DVR’s are just as common as reruns of Full House, so when I get out of an incredibly long and boring ballet that my wife begged me to go with her to and I have DVR’d the season finale of Dexter, I don’t want to look at Twitter on the way home and see, “Oh my GOSH! Dexter chopped Deb’s head and his own head off! And Mr. Weasley, the school janitor, was the killer the whole time! What a way to end the season.” That moment sucks for me. (No, I didn’t ruin Dexter for anyone. All that was made up.)
Yes, I realize that once a show has aired it should be fair game, but can we agree to just comment on how good it was and not give specifics? I wanted to include music award shows in this, but Grant Jenkins is my friend and Matthew Paul Turner said he might want to volunteer at the downtown campus and I can’t screw that up. (And he’s my friend.)
So there you have it. The complete set of Twitter Commandments. Learn them. Memorize them. Obey them. Happy tweeting.