Christian and single7020http://amarkedchange.com/2010/06/24/christian-and-single/Christian+and+single2010-06-24+17%3A58%3A50Wes+Howard

Ever since I got engaged, I get asked the question, “How did you know?” quite a bit.  I usually respond with, “When you know, you know”, and while I still feel like that’s somewhat true, I have another answer.

First, let me throw out my disclaimer – To the best of my knowledge, I have never been married a day in my life.  Likewise, I claim to know nothing on how to have a healthy marriage, although I am getting counsel and reading books on that.  This is purely my opinion.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s how I knew.

In ANY other relationship I had, I noticed that when my relationship with my girlfriend was good, my faith was at a standstill.  And if my relationship with God was where it needed to be, my relationship with my girlfriend was strained.  In other words, I knew this wasn’t what God wanted for me. It was obvious, but most of the time I refused to listen because I placed more value on what I wanted and thought I deserved.

The idea of being in love was an idol in my life.  I wanted to find someone to love, who would love me back, and I was willing to sin to get it.  If you ever want to do a self-check on if something has become an idol, ask yourself this question: Am I willing to sin in order to get it?

Once I started dating Amy, things were totally different.  There was peace.  The relationship I had with God fed my relationship with Amy and vice versa.  It was as if God was saying, “This is why I made you wait.  This is what it means to have patience and trust me.”  That’s how I knew.

I’m sure it’s different for everyone.  That’s just how I knew and I would never try and say that someone else needs to have the same story.  I know how tough it is being single and also a “Christian single.” It can be downright depressing.  I mean, you just knocked out more than half of the people in the world with the word, “Christian.”  Add in geographical restraints and personal preferences and it seems like an impossibility.

So a friend and I have decided to try and get a pulse on just how challenging it can be to navigate the relationship mine field in today’s culture.  Lucky for us, we lead a huge group of people that are currently right smack in the middle of trying to figure it all out.  We want to take a poll to find out what’s working and what’s not.  Hopefully at the end of it we can dispel some myths, bring clarity where there is confusion and also give out encouragement that folks aren’t alone in their struggles and questions.

We want to ask questions such as:

• “Can guys and girls just be friends?”
• “What do you wish guys/girls would just be honest about?”
• “What expectations are valid and how does our culture influence and dictate our expectations?”
• “Is it possible to idolize your ‘list’?”
• “If you were honest, would you say you feel more valuable if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and less valuable if you don’t?”
• “Is it possible you’re looking for something that exists only in movies?”
• “How important is being a Christian?”
• “How important is money?”

So we need your help. Single folks, what questions would you like to ask and get feedback from other Christian singles on? Married folks, we’d love to hear from you too. Knowing what you know now, trophy in hand, what advice or encouragement would you give to those currently walking through the maze of being a Christian single? What did you obsess over when you were single that you now realize was a big waste of your time and emotions?

Help us out!