Awkward #3 – The man-shake1857http://amarkedchange.com/2009/12/14/awkward3-the-man-shake/Awkward+%233+-+The+man-shake2009-12-14+14%3A47%3A19Wes+Howard

I remember a day when saying hello was easy.

“Hey, Peter.” “Oh, hey Wes.” (Then we shake hands) We both feel confident and sure about the conversation that is about to happen.

Then one day, someone somewhere decided that a simple handshake wasn’t enough and thus began the evolution of the man-shake. I don’t know who decides when the handshake needs to change, but it is universal. One day we are shaking hands and the next we are doing a version of a secret handshake that we did as kids.

First up was the handshake to arm wrestling maneuver. You start with a handshake and then immediately move to an arm wrestling position.

Then one day it became cool to add on to this. The next step was to do the handshake to arm wrestling to sliding your hands against each other until your fingertips touch, gripping them together.  That sounds weird. Then when that wasn’t enough we added a snap at the end. Yes, a snap.

Handshake to arm wrestling position to sliding hands together to gripping the fingertips to snapping.  And this was perfectly normal.

Thankfully the powers that be decided that we were getting a little too weird with the handshake and took a step back. They decided to start with the handshake and still go to the arm wrestling position but now we pull each other into a half hug. 1 or 2 pats is acceptable but can be a little awkward.

This seemed to be the norm for quite a while. We even started going straight to the arm wrestling position to half hug after a while, totally eliminating the handshake all together.

The problem with all this is that no one knows which version of the man-shake you are going to do and it gets awkward. It’s awkward when someone wants to do the arm wrestling maneuver and you are wanting a regular handshake. The worst, however, is when you go in for the arm wrestling half hug and the person was expecting a handshake. You end up with a man’s hand pointing you in the lower stomach while you are patting him on the back 1 or 2 times. I won’t even get into how many times the person looked at me blankly after a handshake/arm wrestling/gripping fingertips snap shake and then tried to snap 5 seconds after the shake was over.

It just gets awkward. Now, you have to make your intentions known well before hand. Like 4 or 5 steps ahead of time. Hold your arm up in the arm wrestling position to let it be known that a man hug is coming. If you really know the person you have to hold both arms out wide letting it be known its time for the intimate real hug.

I’m sure we look ridiculous walking with our arms up or out just waiting to embrace, but that’s the reality of our awkward world. I would rather look stupid than go through awkward moment of when both men offer up different handshakes. It’s the same thing of when you are trying to get out of the way of a stranger. You keep stepping the same direction and at some point one of you has to standstill while the other awkwardly passes.

Thankfully we have started moving towards the “fist bump.”  Just hold a fist out and that lets the other person know, “Whoa, this relationship is not at the man hug level yet. This guy really doesn’t even want to touch me. Just bump knuckles.” This is all well and good, but I don’t want to offend my friends with the fist bump.  I do want to show them love, but not at the risk of feeling their helpless hand being stuck at my waistband while mine is stuck in between their man boobs.  It’s just awkward.

Being a man is tough.

Any horror stories of trying to say hello?