Awkward #2

Awkward Moment #2 is: Me as a kid.

I am going to let you in on a little secret: As a kid, I was very self-conscious. I used to HATE it when someone would say, “You are just skin and bones.” Anger would boil up inside me and I would not speak to that person for an extended period of time. Truth is though, I was. I was skin and bones and not matter how many chili dogs or school pizza I ate, I never would gain a pound.

Once I got to the age where looks started to matter, I noticed it. I was skinny. My calves were no where near as big as my friends. Sitting down, my knees looked like sticks when sitting next to people. Something must be done about this, I remember thinking.

So one day I decided to take things into my own hands. I started wearing sweatpants underneath my church pants. Yep. Sweatpants. I would even wear a sweatshirt underneath my button ups. Now when I sat beside my friends at church, my knees looked almost as big. Never mind the fact that it looked like a pillow, I was “big!” If someone ever blew my cover by seeing the sweatpants, I would just reply that I was cold natured.

The next step was to fix my butt. I didn’t have one, so I came up with the next best thing. I remember begging my mother for a checking account so I could have a checkbook. I would put my wallet in one back pocket and my checkbook in the other. Bam! Problem solved. I had a butt. Now if I could only get arm pit hair. (No, I didn’t fake that)

I look back on it now and it seems ridiculous. I wonder how many people had the conversation, “Why does Wes have sweatpants on underneath his clothes?” I am positive that it did NOT help me with the ladies. I’m not sure when I got out of the phase, but I imagine that the day I did, I got a girlfriend.

Did you do anything ridiculous as a kid to fit in?