My Story – Part 3
If you need to catch up, here is Part 1 and Part 2
I got a call from Jenni Catron at Cross Point. She had a wild idea for an experiment. The experiment has now become permanent as I learn ministry firsthand by assisting Pete Wilson on a day to day basis. I’m learning something new everyday and am amazed at the journey God has taken me on. I am so thankful for where God has me and where he is going to take me.
My journey came full circle for me the other day as I was reading Francis Chan’s new book Forgotten God. In it he tells this story:
I recently had dinner in Seoul, Korea, with an amazing man. He was one of the twenty-three missionaries who were held hostage by the Taliban in Afghanistan in July 2007. For those who don’t recall the story, the Taliban executed two of the missionaries before a deal was reached with the government of South Korea and the missionaries were released.
This man told me about the horrors of being locked up in a cell, knowing that martyrdom was a strong possibility. He also shared about the amazing time they had on the last day they were all imprisoned together. Each of the twenty-three missionaries surrendered their lives to God that night and told Him they were willing to die for His glory. There was even an argument over who would get to die first. One of them had a small Bible that the missionaries secretly ripped into twenty-three pieces so each could glance at Scripture when no one was watching.
One of the most fascinating things this man told me was about what has happened since. Now that they have been back in Seoul for a while, several team members have asked him, “Don’t you wish we were still there?” He tells me that several of them experienced a deep kind of intimacy with God in the prison cell that they haven’t been able to recapture in their comfort.
The words “Don’t you wish we were still there?” resonated with me. My journey was painful, scary and control-less, but I miss it. I experienced an intimacy with God that I never had before and I find myself thinking back on it and missing that time in my life. When I had no certainty, no illusion of control, no idea of what was next…when I had nothing…I had God. And that was enough.
If you are going through a rough time or you are scared to death of what’s next, let me encourage you to take time to enjoy it. Let God develop that intimacy with you that will draw you closer to him as he guides you down your journey.
I gotta be honest. I am jealous of you. I remember days waking up with tears coming down my face and getting on my knees and saying the most humbling words you can say, “I have nothing to offer…only my faith. Stretch me, guide me, love me, draw me closer to you today.” Then face the day and count it all joy.
One day you will look back and be amazed at the work God did in you during that time… and you will miss it.
I love that I get to be a part of your story…it is a blast watching God move through you more and more powerfully! I love you Wes and I love serving Christ beside you!
Wes, I have been going through a hard time for a while now and I know exactly what you mean. There is an intense peace in knowing you have no control. It is our illusion of control that is our worst enemy many times. There is NOTHING in our control, absolutely nothing; Not our next day, not our next meal, not our next breath.
While I believe I should make the best decisions possible, the outcome is always up to God. I have made “good” decision after “good” decision only to see the outcome be nothing like all my planning anticipated.
I have grown to believe there is a real trap in calling one outcome good and another bad. In doing that we are exercising control. We have determined what is good and what is bad and in a backhanded way we are “judging” ourselves and ultimately God.
What if in losing my life somehow the lives of hundreds were saved. No one may ever know that those lives were saved but God would. Should we call that good or bad. We only saw the loss of my life so most, but oddly enough not all
, would say that was bad but if we knew that hundreds somehow had been spared many would call it good.
I am now constantly working to eliminate that kind of thinking from my life. I have long held on to Philippians 1:21 as my life verse. “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” In a true life yielded to Him there really is nothing else.
May intimacy be your journey.
@Harold,
Good stuff! Love Philippians 1:21. Thanks for sharing.
Wes,
This is really good stuff!!! It is so good to have you on staff and I really love how God is using you to impact others!
Wes,
I am often accused of saying far too much – but right now I don’t have many words, other than to sincerely thank you for sharing this. I have been in this place for a year now – total uncertainty. It is painful and I struggle to let go and be at peace with it. A deep, heart-felt thank you again.
Is it wrong to say I’m looking forward to the day I’m going to miss this?
I just resigned a two year post as worship pastor at a local church. I have seen God do miraculous things with this small congregation through unhindered, Christ focused worship. Lives changed…and in a moment…its gone and God leads me to a new ministry…national ministry to the whole body of Christ…and yes I am scared. All the questions are racing through my mind….but this blog…encouraged me today. Thank you wes, for being honest and provoking me to be thankful for this scary time as I pursue HIM into this place of the unknown.
Be Blessed.
Gary
Thank you for the beautiful honesty you shared in this blog (and the other two on your story). I needed to be reminded today that God’s timing does not always match, nor does He way often match my way. I’m glad He is infinitely wiser and more in love with me than I could possibly imagine. Thank you for sharing your heart and for reminding me of that simple truth.
Wes,
I can’t tell you how I love seeing this process unfold in and for you, because — as you well know — I’m undergoing a similar, awkward process.
I’m encouraged, challenged and humbled to see you take steps of big-time faith.
Oh, yeah. It’s a blast to be your friend, too.
Here’s to many more good conversations in the months ahead.
Josh
Wes,
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I'm super encouraged by your transparency. And it's completely changed my life (in a GREAT way) for you to be on staff with CP!
Wes,
I've always admired your faith. It goes hand-in-hand with your name… "Wes and his faith." I'm very proud of you. It must have been so difficult and scary to actually let go of control. That has been something that I know I must do also, but still can't get the courage to do so. I hope one day I can. I want the peace of knowing that He is in control.