Back in 2003, I lost hope, if only for a moment. I had been unemployed for over a year; my money was gone. The job market was dry as a bone, and I just couldn’t handle where I was any more. I had run to the end of my faith and trust.

So I decided my life was no longer worth living, that I wasn’t worth anything anyway, so I’d just stop being a drain on everybody. I had the notes written in my head. I had yet to figure out exactly how I was to do this, but I determined to do so.

Ultimately, I couldn’t figure out who I wanted to “find” my body, I didn’t want my cat to suffer, and I realized I loved my parents too much to do this to them. And in that moment of realization, God sparked the tiniest sliver of hope in me that maybe one day I might amount to something.

I have had periods of deeper depression since then, but never that complete absence of hope. There has always been that moment of plunging into the darkness that this is passing and not final.